Love, It's a Funny Thing
by Dragon's-Dreams
Summary: Both Hermione and Severus always question the existence of “Love”. They figure out, well they decide that it is not real. Will they realize it was real all along when the fall head over heels for each other? [SSHG]


Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Harry Potter characters. If I did I would be living in Scotland with my husband and two kids. Also I would have blond hair. And don't forget the surname Rowling. So it is definitely not me who owns them! I would have a lot of moola if I did!  
  
Summery: Both Hermione and Severus always question the existence of "Love". They figure out, well they decide that it is not real. Will they realize it was real all along when the fall head over heels for each other? [SSHG]  
  
Censor: PG-13  
  
Main Ship: SS / HG  
  
Minor Ships: DM / RW **shudders**, ST [Sybil Trewlany] / GL, PP [Poppy Pomfrey] / FF [Fillius Flitwick], HP / GW, SF / All of the girls, DT / All of the girls, GG / VC **shakes violently** , and AD / MM [sorry I had to make someone gay!]  
  
Love, It's a Funny Thing: Chapter 1:  
  
Do You Believe in Love on Valentine's Day? I Don't!  
  
It was breakfast at Hogwarts and it was the worst day of the year in Hermione's point of view. It was wrong and St. whoever should have never came up with it. Hermione sat in-between Ron and Draco, and Harry and Ginny. It was the day Hermione hated most. There was love this and love that. It was all pink and purple and bright red. Disgusting, she thought. It was so annoying. Ron and Draco were off to her left wrapped in each other's arms. It seemed that they got over their differences and also discovered that they were gay along the line. It is really sick to watch two guys being all lovey-dovey with each other. Would they ever stop, she mentally screamed at them. Draco was cooing to Ron, as he rested on Draco's finely toned chest. His red hair blended into Draco's shirt. He was gazing dreamily into space. It was -really- sick!  
  
Harry and Ginny weren't so bad. They were sitting there holding each other's hands and looking into each other's eyes. At least none of them were -cooing-! Hermione looked down to her food and pushed it around with her fork. The food wasn't that interesting even if it was pink. She let her mind wander not caring for what was going on around her. She had been pondering over a question for quite some time, but she could not find the answer. She asked herself over and over again, but could not find the answer she was searching for. Maybe I should ask someone else, she thought.  
  
Hermione looked around the Great Hall. Her eyes wandered up to the Head Table. Everyone seemed to be going in a steady relationship with someone. Some of the relationships made her shudder. Sybil Trewlany was currently lovingly feeding Gilderoy Lockhart with a big grin on her face. Lockhart looked excited to be in her company. He was the only thing that could make her come down from her little hiding place in her little tower were she could be alone with her little "Inner Eye" or what ever she wanted to call it. Lockhart had come back from St. Mungo's with a full memory, but he still had no fame left. He was just charming so to say. And in Trewlany's opinion he was absolutely attractive and sweet and all that other crap.  
  
Poppy Pomfrey had Fillius Flitwick in her lap. She was feeding him large red grapes. It was a rather peculiar sight of a "large" woman with a very small almost microscopic man on her lap staring at her lovingly. Someone even worse than them was Albus Dumbledore. It was the sickest thing she had ever seen. Just think about 'Hogwarts, A History", not about 'them'.  
  
Dumbledore was kissing Minerva McGonagall under a bunch of bright green mistletoe. It had grabbed their hair and pushed them together. Minerva appeared to be enjoying it. She was blushing furiously when they pulled apart. Albus winked at her, which made her turn an even darker shade of crimson.  
  
A lot of the students were currently holding each other. Luckily most of the people were of the opposite sex. She hated seeing gay people in love. It made her cringe. Love love love! Who cares? Not me! I hate love even though it probably does not exist.  
  
The only person who seemed to be not enjoying the spreading of the love was Severus Snape. He had a scowl on his face. It looked as though it was etched onto his face. At least someone hates Valentine's Day as much as I do! At least someone is as sensible as I am! How can anyone stand such a day? It's like hell! Too much love. Ugh!  
  
"Hermione? Hermione?" A voice to her right interrupted her thoughts. She turned to Ginny and Harry who were still staring into each other's eyes lovingly. It made her sick. Harry had been the one talking.  
  
"Yes?" She asked in an annoyed tone of voice. She was really irritated now. Too many people staring into each other's orbs or whatever you want to call the things in your head that make you see.  
  
"Why aren't you with your valentine? You should have one. You must like someone here! Go on ask someone to be your valentine! Why don't you have one? Ginny's mine. Aren't you, love?" He added as he tapped the tip of Ginny's little nose playfully. Ginny turned a bright red that clashed hideously with her straight red hair.  
  
"Oh, Harry. I love you so much. You light my candle in the night. Without you I would be lost. With out you I would be nothing. I love you so much Harry. Without you I would be . . ." The "without you"s went on for quite a while. Hermione's eye began to twitch with irritation. If there were a light on for an alarm it would be going off right then. If there were an intercom system it would be blaring:  
  
"OVERLOAD! OVERLOAD! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I REAPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL!"  
  
Hermione was getting really annoyed now. She was about to burst. After she looked to Draco and Ron who were kissing madly, and to put it simply for your weak minds, she exploded.  
  
"I don't have a stupid bloody valentine! I absolutely HATE Valentine's Day! Everyone is just so lovey-dovey! Everything is pink and purple! Don't forget red! It's I love you this and I love you that! I'm sick of watching GAY guys snog at the breakfast table! Why does anyone enjoy Valentine's Day? Why do they want to go around while little annoying mistletoe go around making them bloody kiss anyone around them? Any ways, I thought that mistletoe was something at Christmas! I hate it! Stop pestering me about some bloody Valentine! GOD!"  
  
"Er . . . Because love is good?" Harry said slowly.  
  
"Love doesn't even exist! It's always true love this and love at first sight! I don't even bloody believe in love! Gods! Will you stop it with th . . ." She began to babble on and on, but was interrupted by a deep vibrating masculine voice from the head table.  
  
"I agree with the girl, Albus and would stop frenching Minerva. I, a person who never has nightmares is going to have nightmares riddling his sleep for the rest of his life! It's sick! I'm going to my dungeon and don't expect me to come out there till the year is over." All the heads in the hall were turning back and forth from the two fuming people. Hermione sighed irritably. Severus glared at Albus and began to storm down the hall. His hair and black robes billowing behind him.  
  
As Severus walked past Hermione she felt something tug at her hair. Oh no! No not this. It's probably just something else. Please be something else! She thought desperately. Her eyes were squeezed tight. When she opened them, she was sure it was what she had hoped it not to be. Everyone was staring. They all had a scared look on their faces.  
  
She looked towards Albus. He had the usual twinkle in his eyes, but now there was a tint of humor. Hermione then looked towards Severus. It definitely was what she did not want it to be. There was a little green mistletoe holding tightly onto Severus' hair. That was definitely not a good sign. Slowly the mistletoe brought them closer together. The students and teachers were now very amused. They began to chant.  
  
"Kiss her, kiss her, kiss her . . ." Hermione rolled her eyes. Severus was fighting the mistletoes painful grip on his black hair.  
  
"Gods, I hate Valentine's Day. I wish I was in the library!"  
  
"Sorry, Miss Granger, but I think your luck has run out." Severus commented sourly. Just a peck, I will not do more, he thought to himself.  
  
"At least I try." She said quickly as he was forced to bring his head down to hers. Many of the girl's eyes were wide as saucers now. The know-it-all Gryffindor and the Dreaded Potions Master were about to kiss. Who wouldn't be excited? They thought.  
  
Severus brought his thin lips down to Hermione's full ones. He brushed them against hers then pulled away quickly. The mistletoe and the whole student body weren't happy about this. Suddenly the both of them were knocked into each other. He rubbed his now sore and reddening forehead as she sighed nervously.  
  
"Do I really have to be going through this?"  
  
"I'm afraid so, Miss Granger." He said one last time as he enveloped her lips with his. Her lips were warm from the breakfast. It was a rather pleasant experience for him.  
  
"FRENCH HER!" One of the Slytherins yelled. It just happened to be Draco Malfoy. He was as rude as ever. Severus hated him so much. The little brat. Severus began to glare into his kiss with Hermione. I might as well go along with their little requests, he thought as he slipped his tongue into her mouth. She tastes good, he thought, No she doesn't she's my student and a mudblood.  
  
Hermione was surprised when Severus actually followed along with Malfoy. It felt good. This man could kiss like a devil. I wonder if love could feel like this. There is no such thing as love, there for love could not feel like anything. She felt Severus pull away at last. She sighed at the loss of the warm body that a second ago had been pressed against her. Her face was flushed and her lips were swollen.  
  
"Professor Snape must be a good kisser. Look at her face Seamus!" A random girl that Seamus Finnigan had been randomly dating said to him. He nodded quickly and looked up at the teacher and the student that had just frenched.  
  
Hermione glanced around the Great Hall again. People were staring in disbelief. What had just happened had been really embarrassing to her. She had to get out of there! Hermione turned on her heel. She ran to the nearest door and pushed the doors wide open. She could feel everyone staring at her back as she ran out. She ran to her only peaceful sanctuary. The library. A nice book will cheer me up, she thought as she passed the many paintings on the walls.  
  
~ * ~  
  
Severus also stormed off from the Great Hall. He made sure no one saw him smile. He truly genuinely smiled. It felt so good to kiss a girl. He began to scowl again when he remembered who she was. He made his way through the damp dungeons. He reached his room. A picture of a serpent around a sword guarded the entrance to his room.  
  
"The passssword, Ssseverusss Sssnape?" It hissed. Severus' eyes darkened characteristically.  
  
"I hate love." He whispered and the portrait swung open. He stepped through into his dungeons. He looked around his stone room. It was cold and empty. It made him feel more alone than he usually did.  
  
"I think I'll go to sleep after all who would want to spend Valentine's Day around people who have people that love them. No one loves me, not even my parents did. As my father always said, "Love is life, or so they say. Life is death. There for Love is Death. That is why love is unwanted. Unless you want to be miserable or dead." He told himself as he walked towards the door that was connected to his comfy bedchambers.  
  
~ A/n ~  
  
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Tell me by clicking that little button down there. Good boy/girl.  
  
Next Chapter you will meet my imaginary friend and/or conscious!  
  
His name is Fred!  
  
If he looks at you funny don't worry. (He's a bit horny ~_^)  
  
New stories coming up soon are:  
  
Funny Thing, Love, it's, Yoda Style!  
  
Luv itha ffunny fing! Baby style!  
  
Gniht Ynnuf A S'ti, Evol, Srawkcab!  
  
Rose-Bob  
  
Until Next Time!  
  
: )  
  
~_^  
  
: D  
  
: P  
  
~_~  
  
0_o  
  
Kirby is bowing! 


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